Dr. Edge just came in to the OR/ICU waiting room and broke the news. We were hoping and praying that it would be poof! gone, we were hoping and praying that there would be no lymph node involvement, we were hoping and praying that there would be no invasive cancer at all. If it went poof! gone, we would have shouted to the high heavens, If it was totally "in situ" - at the site, there would be no chemotherapy, no radiation, nothing at all, and we would have still shouted to the high heavens. Even if it had been invasive, but not yet in the lymph nodes we would have been thankful for a less scary, yet somewhat scary prognosis. This wasn't what God had in store for us. There was cancer in 1 lymph node. The sentinel lymph node disection revealed 3 lymph nodes that took the dye, and at least one of them was cancerous. We will still be thankful, but it hurts. This diagnosis was the least hoped for, although it isn't the most alarming. It could be much worse than this. We will be strong and we will continue praise him - because his mercy endures forever.
Some how this Casting Crowns song that I have been singing for a month now seems appropriate:
I was sure by now, God you would have reached down
and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day
but once again I say Amen, and its still raining
As the thunders rolls, I barely hear your whisper in the rain - I'm with you
As your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives, and takes away.I'll praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands
you are who you are, no matter where I am
every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand
you never left my side, and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this stormI remember when I stumbled in the wind
you heard my cry, you raised me up again
my strength is almost gone, how do I carry on - if I can't find you
As the thunder rolls, I barely hear your whisper through the rain - I'm with you
As your mercy falls I raise my hand and praise the God who gives, and takes away,I'll praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands
you are who you are, no matter where I am
every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand
you never left my side, and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this stormI lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from
my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from
my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earthI'll praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands
you are who you are, no matter where I am
every tear I've cried, you hold in your hand
you never left my side, and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm
Awesome song - lyrics that I have memorized and keep repeating in my head. I thank God for the truthfulness of it - it really gives me needed emotional strength booster.